20 years of being a mother.…a reflection

This year marks the 20th year of being a mother.

What a ride.

Motherhood humbled me in ways I never expected. I thought it would be emotional, of course. But I didn’t anticipate how physical it would be, or how deeply self-confronting.

It changed my life in every way imaginable —

professionally,

physically,

emotionally,

and mentally.

I have never loved anything more in my life.

I still remember those very first moments. Holding a newborn.

That sweet, unmistakable scent of a new baby — nothing else compares.

And then all the moments that followed.

I always loved having my children sleep in my bed.

Those nights when I would lie there feeling incredibly rich — surrounded by so many little bodies, breathing softly beside me.

The moment a small child runs toward you with open arms, and you feel with absolute certainty that you are the centre of their universe. That kind of love is one of the most extraordinary experiences a human can have.

When they come to you to calm down.

When your presence alone settles them.

When they seek you out simply because they want to be with you.

When they ask for your opinion.

Little hands touching my face.

A small face looking up at me and smiling — it is almost unbearably beautiful.

And of course the other side of love.

The horror you feel when your child is in pain.

The heartache when they are sad.

The anger or desperation when they trigger something inside you and hold up a mirror you were not expecting to see.

Sometimes my son asks me questions that stop me in my tracks.

In those moments I realise that the mirror children hold up can become one of the deepest pathways back to ourselves.

And now I look at them — these almost grown-ups — and I could not be prouder.

The beautiful humans they have become.