Parenting is a rollercoaster ride that no one hands you a manual for. It's a wild experience that flips your perspective from being the child to becoming the parent, bringing with it a mix of challenges and joys. One thing's for sure – it's a profound experience that forces us to confront our own deepest wounds.
The parent-child connection is a powerful emotional bond that can stir up memories and emotions from our own childhood. It's like our brains are wired to revisit those early attachments when we embark on this parenting adventure. The tricky part is that emotions we haven't quite figured out how to handle will surface, and our brain will turn to its trusted coping mechanisms – fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
Picture this: your little one looks up at you, and suddenly, you find yourself face to face with an emotion you haven't fully processed. It is as if your child’s brain is asking, "What do I do when I feel this way, mom or dad?" If your brain lacks the know-how to navigate that feeling, you might find yourself knee-deep in your own coping strategies. And when your child responds differently to the method you have chosen to cope, it can push you to the edge, and you might just "lose the plot."
So, what's the remedy? It sounds simple, but really is not: tune into where you feel the sensation in your body, sit with it, explore what you need in that moment, take full responsibility for your emotion, process it, and figure out if there's a constructive action to take. Easy, right? Well, not exactly. It takes practice and discipline to break free from old patterns.
When I work with my clients, we dive deep into this. It's about understanding your patterns, showing yourself some compassion, and honing your communication skills. Shifting those hard wired behaviors is no small feat, but it's an effort worth taking.
Awareness is the first step. When you feel that familiar trigger, pause, and recognize it. Instead of diving headfirst into the chaos, take a moment to pinpoint where in your body you're feeling the sensation. Breathe. Stay with it. Ask yourself, "What do I need right now?" It's about reclaiming control over your emotional responses.
Taking responsibility for your emotions doesn't mean beating yourself up. It's about acknowledging them without judgment. We're all human, after all, and navigating parenthood is no easy task. Cut yourself some slack. Practice makes perfect, they say. Well, in this case, practice makes progress. As you continue with this effort, you'll find that understanding your own emotional programming makes it easier to navigate parenting.
Find out what makes it hard for you.
Is it the noise? Use Earplugs!
Is it your assumption on the intention of your child? Let’s figure out what is true!
Is it your nervous system in overload? Let’s figure out how to calm your nervous system on a regular basis!
The list could go on….
So, can you parent without losing your plot? It's a work in progress, a constant ebb and flow of emotions and experiences. But armed with self-awareness, compassion, and effective communication and parenting tools you can weather the storm and emerge not only as a parent but as a more resilient and grounded version of yourself.
Love Cornelia